Saturday I had to visit my local Walmart to visit the pharmacy and pick up a few items.  Nothing exciting.  Just like I’ve done one thousand times.  No big deal. After I talked to the pharmacy tech I found the bottle of body wash I needed and made my way to the check lanes.

As usual there was two cashiers working and the line was beginning to look like they were either giving away free government cheese or Rolling Stones tickets.  I looked for the express lane.

Of course the “express lane” had a woman emptying what looked like all her provisions onto the belt for her trip on the Oregon Trail.  (Insert  your own  dysentery or cholera joke here).  I’m guessing her schooling wasn’t advanced enough to read the sign that said “10 items or less.  So I did the thing I only do in extreme situations:  Express checkout.

I have never been a fan of these dang machines.  I never like the fact that the store gets me to do the work of one of their employees for zero pay or even an employee discount.  I have also never liked how pushy they are (Scan the item! If you don’t  do it to her liking she gets pissy Put it in a bag! PUT IN A BAG!) It’s like having a lady foreman standing over your shoulder telling you that everything you are doing is wrong.  (By the way, Is is just a coincidence the blasted machine has a female voice?)

When these things first me out I actually got in an argument with one at a local grocery store.  I scanned the item.  Placed it on the little bagging platform as she said to do.  Apparently something went wrong because it kept telling me to place the item on the bagging area.  Forgetting I was arguing  with a machine I kept yelling “I DID PUT IT THERE!”  I got so mad I was about to punch the stupid thing in it’s  liquid crystal display face.  Luckily for me (and it) the clerk came running up and took over.  Needless to say I felt pretty stupid afterward.  But she started it.

Saturday I walked up to my arch enemy and swiped the item.  Not a problem.  I placed the item in the bagging area. Piece of cake.  I hit the total button.  On the home stretch.  I place my credit card in to the machine.

I was having a bit of an issue seeing the screen due to my blindness but I thought I was ready to go then I realized my card was declined. I swore to myself.  I have been meaning to replace that card I have just got because the new anti-theft chip doesn’t want to work.  Then again maybe it’s working fine.  No one even myself can use the frigging thing,  I keep trying as I stand three inches from the screen trying to read the display.

After a few minutes a nice young Walmart employee comes up to help me.  She starts talking to me like I am 80 years old and my technology skills haven’t progressed since Roosevelt was president (Teddy, not FDR).  She is very helpful But I think soon she is going to take me in the back  for some pudding a nap until she figures out which home I escaped from.

After several more attempts with the card I am completely embarrassed and I tell her I will just pay cash for the item.  The item came out to $4.36   I start looking in my wallet for single dollar bills.  After fishing around I find four single dollars and start searching for one more.  “I still need one more dollar.” She said in her bubbly caring, don’t upset Grandma voice.  I hand her a one and she sweetly hands me my change.

While trying to put the body wash into a plastic bag a dime of my change falls out of my hand onto the floor and rolled under the machine.  I deiced to cut and run while I still had a couple of ounces of dignity in me still.

As I turned to walk away a young girl with her, I’m guessing boyfriend, stopped me and handed me my dime telling me I dropped it.  I thanked them before they wanted to assist me across the street.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m grateful fr the help.  But dang, I am still fairly young (In my head anyway.)  But on the bright side I discovered there are still a few good people left in the world.

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